You Don't Heal First, Then Become Whole. It's Backwards.

What I Believed Then vs What I Know Now

What I believed then: I had to heal completely before I could be whole.

What I know now: I was never broken.

Let me say that again, because I need you to hear it:

I was never a project. I was never something that needed to be fixed.

For years, I believed healing was a prerequisite for wholeness. Like I had to earn my way into peace. Like rest was a reward for long suffering. Like I couldn't step into my soft girl era until every flaw, every wound, every "issue" was resolved.

I believed I had to fix everything before I was worthy of softness. Ease. Flow.

I was wrong.

What I Believed Then

I believed peace had to be earned.

That tranquility was something I'd receive after I'd done enough work. After I'd healed enough. After I'd proven I was worthy.

Rest wasn't a right. It was a reward.

And I was so far from deserving it.

I believed I had to be completely healed before I could be whole.

That wholeness was the finish line. The place I'd arrive after I'd done all the inner work, read all the books, gone to all the therapy sessions, journaled through all the trauma.

Only then—when I was healed, polished, perfected—could I be whole.

I believed I had to fix all my flaws before I deserved my soft girl era.

Before I could live in ease. Before I could rest without guilt. Before I could stop grinding and performing and proving.

I had a mental checklist: Fix this. Resolve that. Heal that wound. Process that trauma.

Then I could be soft.

What I Know Now

Peace doesn't have to be earned. I just needed to give myself permission.

Nobody else can give you permission to rest. To have peace. To experience joy.

It has to come from you.

And the moment I gave myself permission? Everything shifted.

Not because I was suddenly "healed." But because I stopped making peace conditional.

I was never broken. I was never something that needed fixing.

I was whole all along.

Not perfect. Not without wounds. Not finished growing.

But whole.

The healing doesn't come before the wholeness.

You become whole first. And then you start healing.

Wholeness Isn't the End. It's the Beginning.

The minute I gave myself permission to be whole—exactly as I was, with all my unresolved shit and unfinished healing—that was the moment I became whole.

Not when I arrived at some imaginary destination.

Not when I checked every box.

Not when I finally earned it.

The moment I stopped waiting for wholeness and chose it instead.

That's when everything changed.

Coming Home to Myself

It didn't happen in one moment.

It came in a decision.

A decision to stop:

→ Abandoning myself
→ Begging for acceptance
→ Shrinking to fit
→ Twisting myself to be more palatable

That's what coming home to myself actually was.

Not a revelation. Not a breakthrough moment where everything suddenly made sense.

A return. A reckoning. A reclaiming.

A return to the version of me that existed before I learned I had to perform to be loved.

A reckoning with all the ways I'd betrayed myself to belong.

A reclaiming of the peace, the softness, the ease I'd been gatekeeping from myself.

You Don't Have to Fix Yourself First

If you're waiting to be healed before you let yourself be whole, you're going to be waiting forever.

Because healing isn't a destination. It's not a box you check and move on from.

Healing is what happens AFTER you choose wholeness.

When you stop abandoning yourself.
When you stop shrinking.
When you stop earning your right to peace.

When you give yourself permission to be whole—right now, exactly as you are—that's when the real healing begins.

So Here's What I Want You to Know

You are not a project.

You are not broken.

You don't have to fix yourself before you're worthy of softness, rest, ease, joy.

You're already whole.

The healing will come. But it doesn't come first.

First, you give yourself permission.

Then, you come home.

What did you believe then that you don't believe anymore?

What shifted for you?

Drop a comment or DM me—I'd love to hear your story.

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This is Part 1 of "What I Believed Then vs What I Know Now"—a series on unlearning the lies that kept us performing, masking, and earning our right to exist. Stay connected for part 2.