The Disappearing

When High Performance Becomes Self-Abandonment
by Develda Edgington · NeuroFEM™ Juice

I didn’t vanish all at once.

I bled out in whispers.

And the scariest part?

I didn’t even notice it was happening.

At first, it looked like growth.

I was onboarding more clients.
Filling up my calendar.
Selling out my offers.
Showing up and loving the results.
Saying all the right things in all the right rooms.

From the outside, I was thriving.

But on the inside?
I was quietly disappearing.

One small compromise at a time.

One softened truth.
One yes that should’ve been a hell no.
One moment of rewriting my brilliance to make it “make sense” to people who were never meant to get it.

I kept adjusting my voice so it wouldn’t sound “too much.”
I curated my brand so it would feel familiar.
I shaped my strategies to match what everyone else was doing.

And I called it “being professional.”
I called it “scaling.”
I called it “playing the game.”

But really?

I was shrinking.

Strategically. Silently.
And eventually, completely.

I was still visible online.
Still posting. Still launching. Still smiling.

But I wasn’t there.

Not really.

There’s a line in my book Let Them In Without Losing Yourself that I almost didn’t include—because it hurt too much to admit:

“I didn’t lose myself in one big moment.
I bled out in whispers.”

That was me.
Not just in my relationships.
In my business.

I didn’t wake up one day and declare I was done.

I woke up in a business I didn’t recognize.
A brand that no longer had my voice in it.
A rhythm I couldn’t keep up with.

And I realized…

I hadn’t been leading.

I’d been performing.

This is the part most people don’t talk about.

Not the burnout.
The erosion.

The slow drip of self-sacrifice in the name of success.

The way you disappear in plain sight while collecting praise for being so “consistent.”

The way you forget who you were before the branding boards and the blueprints.

But here's the thing about disappearing:

Once you realize it’s happened—you can come back.

You can stop writing for applause.
You can stop creating for palatability.
You can stop being “marketable” and start being real.

That’s what happened to me.

And that’s where NeuroFEM™ Juice was born.

Not from a rebrand.

From a return.

I didn’t build this ecosystem because I had all the answers.

I built it because I couldn’t hear myself anymore—and I knew I wasn’t the only one.

This isn’t just content.
It’s reclamation.

It’s what happens when you stop performing… and start rebuilding from truth.

So if you’re here, reading this, wondering…

“Where the hell did I go?”

You’re not alone.

And you’re not behind.

You’re just ready to come home.

🧭 What Happens Next?

This is the first in a 5-part storytelling series about the unmasking journey that birthed NeuroFEM™ Juice. You can follow each chapter as it drops here on the blog and around my social feeds.

In the next post, I’ll share what happened when I finally realized:

👉 I had let everyone into my brand…
👉 But I had completely let myself out.

🧶 Before You Go...

Before You Go...

If any part of this cracked something open in you, here’s your invitation to start gently.

✨ Choose one moment this week where you let your full voice speak—without polishing it.
✨ Choose one yes that you’d like to un-choose.
✨ Choose you.

And if you’re ready for clarity that doesn’t require contortion?

🧭 Download the free Masking or Me? Audit + Brand Poster
→ It’ll help you see exactly where you’re performing (and where your real voice is trying to speak).
Get the Audit + Poster »

Because we’re not building performative brands anymore.

We’re building homes we can live in.

With you, beside you, rebuilding boldly,
– Develda
🖤 @TheAutisticRebel | #NeuroFEMJuice